Virgin Readers and the Need to Say No

I’ve been saying “no” a lot lately, and I feel kinda bad about that. I’ve been saying “no” to several people emailing me, asking me to read their manuscripts and give them feedback. I know that my no is the right thing for me, and obviously, I don’t just email back a “no” but a very (I think) kind explanation of how I simply don’t have time to read every manuscript people want to send me, how to read a novel for someone takes an enormous investment of hours and energy, how I already ruthlessly guard my own writing time and can’t allow other commitments to encroach upon it, how I have a handful of trusted writer friends I exchange work with…but I feel bad because I know how valuable good feedback is for a writer.

I’ll talk about how to find your own trusted writers friend in a moment, but first, I want to talk about how valuable good feedback is for a writer. How valuable? So valuable I can’t imagine being a writer without it.

I’ll write a whole first draft of a novel before I show anything to anyone. It takes a full draft for me to feel the story truly belongs to me, for me to discover all I’m trying to accomplish with the story, to really know what my novel is about. Once I finish a first draft, I let it sit at least a week, then I’ll re-read and embark upon a first revision on my own. My first drafts are long, indulgent, and full of repetitive dialogue, so that first revision is usually about going back and cutting dialogue (I once cut a first draft in half solely by tightening up flabby conversations), consolidating and/or cutting scenes that fulfill the same purpose, and cutting any scenes that don’t move my plot (and my main character’s motivation) forward.

Then, and only then, do I allow my “first wave” of readers to see it.

What do I want from readers? I want—no, I need—them to tell me what’s working and what’s not. I’ve been working on this novel for over a year at this point (at least that’s usually the case) and I’m too close to it to really see it. I know what I’m going for, what my intention is, but it’s impossible for me to tell what’s on the page and what’s only in my head. So, especially with a first draft, I need readers to tell me what’s confusing, what’s missing, their honest reporting on how they feel about the story.

So, for example, I recently gave a first draft of my second young adult novel, Strange Katy, to three readers (well, four, because my parents deserve to be listed as two separate people!). I was so overwhelmed with gratitude to learn that they all found Katy to be bizarrely naive and that “she misses a lot of stuff” and noted the specific places where she did. When I told this story to a group of beginning writers recently, several of them look outraged. They asked me if I was angry at those readers. They seemed surprised when I said “No, not at all, I was grateful!” The students said, “But weren’t you crushed? Weren’t you hurt?”

No. Again, I was grateful. I want to know that my protagonist seemed dangerously naive so I can fix it. I don't see my character as naive at all, but as I reread with these reader comments in mind, I could see that Katy was pretty clueless on the page.

Critiques and suggestions that work—that are presented honestly but kindly, with the goal being to help me make my story as strong as possible—never crush or hurt me, but inspire me and get the wheels turning.

So, then I worked nearly another month, rewriting and strengthening the manuscript based on the initial feedback…before giving the manuscript to two new readers (and to my parents again, who, bless their hearts, both read the revised manuscript in three days’ time…and then took me to breakfast to discuss it. Am I lucky or what?). It was important that I gave the revised version to two virgin readers as well. This way, without telling them what the first readers said, I get to “test” to see if I corrected the problem (sometimes I go overboard and overcompensate). It can be difficult for readers to truly clear their minds of previous drafts.

This time Katy seemed kickass, not naive (yay!) but there were some other fabulous notes including: 1.) Katy seemed too intent on the mystery of what happened rather than truly mourning her dead friend, 2.) some inconsistencies in “the rules” of Katy’s extra-sensory “gift,” and 3.) my usual early-chapter mess of backstory dumping.

All. Such. Valuable. Stuff!!!

Of course, I thought Katy was grieving. She only exists in my head, after all, and when I think of her she’s floundering in an icy pit of sorrow…but was that on the page? Nope. Sure enough, it wasn’t (thank you, Kristi!) And I thought I had everything about Katy’s ability to communicate with animals crystal clear, but were there inconsistencies from scene to scene? Yep. Sure enough, there were (thank you, Sharon!) Is all of that fixable? Yes!

And I adore this stage. It feels like tinkering, like taking something complicated apart and putting it back together in better working order. I will stay up way too late into the night because I honest-to-God find this part so much fun (and frankly, so much easier and less fraught than making the story exist in the first place).

My dear friend Rachel is always my first and one of my last readers. We know each other well enough that she can be very blunt on a manuscript. She may circle a phrase I tend to overuse and write: “Stop it! You’re killing me with this!” Now, if someone I didn’t know well said that, I might want to punch them, but Rachel makes me laugh, the same way Kristi does by prefacing a really helpful suggestion with, “This is really bitchy, but—” But you want writer friends you trust to be bitchy or snarky when it’s called for.

Better your writer friends now than other readers later, right? The last thing you want is an agent or editor rejecting a manuscript for issues like the ones listed above. Or, if you’re lucky enough to get that far, to have readers or reviewers of a published work criticize it for the same implausibilities or inconsistencies.

I can’t stress enough how grateful I feel toward my trusted writer friends who read for me.

One young enterprising writer who emailed me asking me to read her novel responded rather saucily to my (I thought) very kind and gracious explanation of why I couldn’t. She asked how was she supposed to find trusted writer friends to read for her if I refused to do it? She was trying to establish such trusted writer friends by contacting me. So, what was she supposed to do if I wouldn’t read her work?

Well, she could do what I did: I took every writing class I could find in my area. I went to writers’ conferences, both local and far away. I went to the writers’ groups that meet in local bookstores (and which are listed in the store calendar of events). At all of those places, I looked for connections with other writers. I paid attention to other students and participants who were writing the same kind of fiction I was, whose writing I admired, whose senses of humor seemed in sync with mine, who seemed sane and friendly. If I was in a workshop setting with them, I paid attention to the feedback they gave (to me and to others)—was it insightful? Specific? Delivered in an honest but kind way? Delivered in the spirit of wanting to help the writer achieve their story’s potential?

At the Antioch Writers’ Workshop, I met several other writers I could be in touch with year round, not just during that one week workshop. Someone invited me to join an already established writers’ group that met weekly. After several years, I left that group, when life, schedules, and circumstances made it not what I needed anymore, but I stayed in touch with many of those writers. A handful of us still meet, not on any organized schedule, but whenever one of us has finished a draft and are ready for feedback. Same goes for writers I met while earning my MFA in creative writing (one of those workshops is in the photo).

When you have writer friends like that, you will read for them whenever they need it, and you rest assured that they will for you when you need it. Sometimes the timing is inconvenient, but it doesn’t matter: it’s what you do for each other. That’s a serious commitment to each other, built over many years.

When I’m able to, I lead workshops where I teach good writers how to give supportive, useful notes to each other and how not to be total assholes as they do it (seriously, the first class involves a section called “Don’t Be the Asshole”). My goal is always to bring writers together, to help them find connections. I’m thrilled as I can be when I learn that a group continues to meet and share work when our course is over. Honestly, it makes me do a little dance of happiness!

Just as with all things in the writing life, it takes time to find your readers. Just like writing a draft takes time, and rewriting that draft takes more time.

Impatience will not serve you in writing.

One of my favorite quotes on the wall of my office is from Goethe:

“Do not hurry. Do not rest.”

Tricks, Treats, and Writerly Bribes

Several days into February, the momentum of New Year's resolutions slow for many people. The cold, gray days make it hard to feel motivated. If you're looking for inspiration to stick with writing goals, hopefully this post will provide. Last week, eleven talented writers talked about their writing routines. Today, those same writers (and one additional one!) answer the question: Do you have any "tricks," "bribes," or methods you use to keep yourself on track with writing goals?

KRISTINA McBRIDE, author of THE TENSION OF OPPOSITES
Dayton, OH

"My bribery is simple and oh, so sweet - chocolate. I treat myself with something small after my daily writing session (think M&M's, Hershey Kisses, etc). When I hit a really major milestone, like submitting pages to my agent or editor, I splurge on a high-calorie treat, like ice cream. The triple-dipper Reese's Pieces sundae from Friendly's is a fave. Chocolate ice cream, of course. I'm always looking forward to the treat as I write.

As far as keeping myself on track with writing goals, I spend time writing (or revising, or journaling) every day. Weekends, holidays, and birthdays are often work days for me. This makes me sound like a masochist or something, but really, it's because I love the writing so much, I just feel compelled to do it. Unless, of course, I'm stuck. Then it's painful, but I'm dying to get myself to the other side, so I dig in even though it hurts."

JENNA BLUM, author of THOSE WHO SAVE US and THE STORM CHASERS
Boston and Minnesota

"Sheer unadulterated fear of blowing a deadline. No, that's not true (although I do try to meet deadlines as a rule). When I'm working on a book, I don't really have a choice: I have to be writing it. I think about it all the time. The characters drag me around by the hair otherwise."

CRYSTAL WILKINSON, author of WATER STREET and BLACKBERRIES, BLACKBERRIES
Midway, KY

"I love, love, love the television and will watch anything--commercials, reality TV, talk shows--pretty much whatever is on so I have to cut off the television. Lately I've been watching the clock and give myself a treat every hour or so. Sometimes it's a glass of water, a snack, a 30 minute TV show, feeding the dog, FB. That activity is not allowed to take up more than 30 minutes before I return to my table."

MATTHEW GOODMAN, author of THE SUN AND THE MOON: The Remarkable True Account of Hoaxers, Showmen, Dueling Journalists and Lunar Man-Bats in Nineteenth-Century New York
Brooklyn, NY

"I don't have any special 'tricks' that I employ to cajole myself into becoming more productive. I tend to write very slowly, and if I kept a regular word count I think I would start to get depressed. But here's a rule of thumb that I do keep in mind: If you write only a page a day, every single day, at the end of a year or so, you'll have yourself the draft of a manuscript."

KRIS RIGGLE, author of THE LIFE YOU’VE IMAGINED and REAL LIFE & LIARS
Grand Rapids, MI

"I set mini-deadlines for myself along the way to keep my mind focused. And I have at times bribed myself with chocolate! I also set a daily word count goal and I treat it just as seriously as any task I ever had during my day-job days. I treated writing as a job long before I was paid to do it."

BETH HOFFMAN, author of SAVING CEECEE HONEYCUTT
Newport, KY

"To keep on track with my writing goals I work hard at not allowing myself to get stuck or sidetracked. But it's not all that easy! If the muse is off taking a bath, I don't panic or start mindlessly searching the web. I try to use that time to edit previously written chapters and to sharpen character sketches. Before long the muse returns and I'm back into full writing mode."

BRAD RIDDELL, Screenwriter, AMERICAN PIE:BAND CAMP and ROAD TRIP II
Los Angeles, CA

"I give myself a shot of bourbon when I finish a draft, no matter what time of day it is! Aside from that, as I recently blogged, I raced a colleague to complete a script, and I meet Katrina on iChat most mornings to check in and build a little solidarity. It's 7:00 A.M. her time, so I offer no pity when she complains of being tired. (I meet with her because she is the most dedicated, driven, consistent and persistent writer I have ever come to know, and I SO need that mojo in my life right now.) When I'm on script, it really never leaves me. Writing is a full time job when you're on deadline, meaning it's with you 24-7, no matter what else you're doing. I like to reward myself with movies, exercise, video games -- anything that provides an escape from my brain. I also like to stop each day leaving a scene I know well or am excited to write as the first piece of business tomorrow. I stop short, so when I settle back in the next day, I can quickly build momentum. But most important to me of late, has been the support of my writer friends. Nothing beats the real and true support of your colleagues in arms."

ELLEN BAKER, author of KEEPING THE HOUSE
Maine

"Chai tea is an effective bribe; sometimes, chocolate is required. But my main motivation is the work itself -- I love doing what I do, and if I didn't work hard at it, I'd have to do something else, work for someone else. So I show up every morning, even if I'm not in the mood. When a book starts to come together, to take its finished shape, that's the greatest possible reward -- no matter how much you tore your hair out over it along the way."

ILIE RUBY, author of THE LANGUAGE OF TREES
Outside Boston

"Yes, I allow myself the gift of watching a late night movie with my husband. If I don’t feel I’ve put in enough time that day, but I have done some good work, I’ll reward myself with a phone call to my best friend or my sister. Neither write and both know how to make me laugh until I have tears."

KELLY O’CONNOR McNEES, author of THE LOST SUMMER OF LOUISA MAY ALCOTT
Chicago, IL

"Negative reinforcement. I have a word-count goal I try to meet every day. If I give up before I get there, I end up moping around feeling terrible; wanting to avoid that feeling is usually motivation enough to keep going. I have recently started using this software called Concentration that blocks websites during a set period of time (Twitter, Facebook, Gmail, etc.). It kind of feels like the world is ending for the first five minutes. But then I get over it and really do get to work, amazingly. Distraction is our biggest challenge, I think. We are capable of a lot if we can just stay on task!"

LESLEY KAGEN, author of WHISTLING IN THE DARK and TOMORROW RIVER
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

"Writing's hard, and can be painful and depleting, but...I think of it the same way I do a long-term relationship, say, a marriage. Their are ups and downs and crying and yelling and eating a whole chocolate cake when things aren't going well. But there's also this profound sense of joy when the words and I click. When I succeed in moving what's in my heart down to the page, it feels heady, like falling in love for the first time. To me, that's a damn good payoff. (I also go shopping every Friday afternoon and buy myself or somebody I love a little something as a reward for working my heinie off:)"

EMILY GRAY TEDROWE, author of COMMUTERS
Chicago, IL

"My writing goals vary depending on what the current work is (revising a scene is different from generating a first draft, for example) but in general I try to shoot for 500 words a day. So checking my word count is probably my main “trick” to staying on track with the long-term goal of writing a novel. There have been times when I think, "all righty, let's pack it in now" but checking my word count (what, only 417?!) provides visual evidence that I could stand to stick it out a while longer. More often that not, going back to it leads to another surge of writing, and I end up with quite a bit more than 500 words."

And here’s a bonus from Emily Gray Tedrowe...

"On this subject, I thought I’d mention a great resource for all of us: the Paris Review collection of interviews with writers: These used to be behind a pay wall but recently the entire archive was made available online—it’s a treasure trove of insight into process and routine. I find browsing around here truly inspirational. One other visual source I personally keep close to hand is Jill Krementz’s beautiful collection of photographs, The Writer’s Desk. John Updike, gazing out the window! Mona Simpson, feet up on the desk! These intimate portraits capture a lot of the beauty and mystery of what goes on at a writer’s desk…and then remind me it’s time to get back to work at my own. Katrina, thank you for including me! and I love the idea of a blog whose purpose is to inspire during these frozen days. Kind of like the literary version of paperwhites."

HUGE THANKS to the wonderful writers who participated here. I appreciate you taking some of your valuable writing time to help inspire others! Okay, everybody…now go WRITE!

Writers Do It Wherever They Can

I'm teaching a new writing class and one of the homework assignments I give each week is to "Look at your week ahead, plan your writing schedule, then keep it sacred." At the beginning of the next week's class, we all "check in" with each other about how we did, as if we were in a Weight Watchers or a Twelve-Step meeting. I find that this "assignment" is a tough one for most students. Without meaning to be snarky, I contend that if you can't carve out any time to write, then perhaps you're not a writer? It doesn't have to be every day, or for hours at a time, but to be a writer, you must be so in love with writing that you will make the time to do it, you will find time where no time seemed possible.

In the hopes of offering up some inspiration for these cold, gray days of winter, I asked several talented writer friends I'm honored to know: WHERE DO YOU WRITE? WHAT'S YOUR WRITING ROUTINE? HOW OFTEN DO YOU WRITE PER DAY OR PER WEEK? They all graciously gave up some of their precious writing time to answer. I hope their answers will help all writers—beginning and seasoned—see that we all must find the routine that works for us...but we must write. No fancy office, no completely commitment-free day is necessary (or even possible) sometimes. But we write anyway.

LESLEY KAGEN, author of WHISTLING IN THE DARK and TOMORROW RIVER
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

"I get up with the birds every morning. Shrug on my furry white lucky writing jacket and head downstairs. After feeding the dogs, I grab a huge cup of tea and head straight to my computer that sits atop a long desk in front of a window that overlooks my backyard. I try to stay dreamy so I have better access to my subconscious where it all happens in the creative part of the process. I rarely budge from my chair, except for more caffeine and the occasionally stretch. When I feel tapped out, I head up to the shower, which helps me make a transition back into the real word. This is my routine every morning, every day of the week. No exceptions. I think it's enormously important to have a routine when it comes to writing. To have a groove that you sink into."

CRYSTAL WILKINSON, author of WATER STREET and BLACKBERRIES, BLACKBERRIES
Midway, KY

"I have written at many places but my latest is at the kitchen table. It seems I have to grow comfortable in a place and sort of nest there before I'm happy. I try to write at least three times a week though this doesn't always happen. My latest routine is to choose one day a week when I write for 8 to 12 hours."

BETH HOFFMAN, author of SAVING CeeCee HONEYCUTT
Newport, KY

"I live in a circa 1902 Queen Anne in a quaint historic district that’s loaded with old world charm. On the second floor of my home I have what I call a writing library. Though the room isn’t very large, it has lots of bookshelves and three soaring windows in an ashlar-cut stone bay that opens to a view of the front gardens. Morning light floods into the room, and it has a fireplace that I keep burning throughout the winter. My kitties spend the majority of their time lounging on a windowsill or curled up at my feet. I’m a disciplined writer and usually spend at least six hours a day either writing, researching, or thinking. Sometimes when the muse is with me, I’ll write late into the night."

BRAD RIDDELL, Screenwriter, AMERICAN PIE: BAND CAMP and ROAD TRIP II
Los Angeles, CA

"I’m funky about where I write. My first movie was written almost entirely in a Starbucks on Hollywood Boulevard. I’ve also worked in libraries, but I find them to be a bit too stifling. I have an office in my home, and over time I’ve discovered that that is where I must sit to actually write a draft. When it comes to brainstorming, outlining, and problem solving, I prefer the kitchen table, the patio or the pool. For some reason, I don’t want to be tied to my desk for the truly creative-intense work. If not a notepad, then a laptop is my favorite development tool—anywhere but in the office!

I try to write everyday, and am often juggling multiple projects. In fact, right after the strike ended, I was working on three scripts at once—and for that, I bought myself an espresso machine (that Katrina absolutely adores!). Back in film school I discovered I write best in the morning. Back then, I’d work before school at 6:00. Now, with two teaching gigs and two kids, morning means 3:30 A.M. It ain’t great, but it’s what I got right now and I’m making it happen."

ELLEN BAKER, author of KEEPING THE HOUSE
Maine

"I write on my laptop sitting on my couch in my pajamas seven mornings a week for four or five hours (okay, maybe a bit less on weekends)."

ILIE RUBY, author of THE LANGUAGE OF TREES
Outside Boston

"Right now, we’re buried in 20 inches of snow so I write wherever it’s warm in the house, or where I can plug in my electric blanket. I’m a night owl, and I love to create a nest that’s comfortable and warm. My favorite spot is on my big comfy living room couch, after my children have gone to bed or to school. I like to have space enough to spread out my manuscript, and have my favorite books within an arm’s reach. When I'm in a heavy writing or editing phase, I work up to 10 hours a day, mostly at night after putting the kids to bed, so from 8pm to 3am. Then I’ll catch a few hours in the afternoon before they get home from school."

KRIS RIGGLE, author of THE LIFE YOU’VE IMAGINED and REAL LIFE & LIARS
Grand Rapids, MI

"My designated writing time is four mornings a week while my son is at school and my daughter is at day care. I'll write other times though if I have to. At various times I've written after my kids are in bed or before the crack of dawn when I didn't have much child care in my schedule. I finished my debut novel in spurts of writing with my infant daughter snoozing in her baby swing and my son at preschool."

KELLY O’CONNOR McNEES, author of THE LOST SUMMER OF LOUISA MAY ALCOTT
Chicago, IL

"I write in a little office off our bedroom. My desk is an old table I bought at a resale shop. I think it is from a high school because there is still gum on the bottom I haven't been able to pry off. My routine is to write first thing every morning. I write every weekday and either Saturday or Sunday. Sometimes things come up and a few days go by without work. But the goal is to be at it consistently. A week off and I am toast. But I do take time off between projects."

EMILY GRAY TEDROWE, author of COMMUTERS
Chicago, IL

"I write in what Virginia Woolf more grandly called 'a room of one’s own' but in my case would be more accurately called “a closet of own’s one.” Our apartment’s good-sized front hall closet would be prized by most Chicagoans—who doesn’t need more storage for all those winter coats and snow boots?—but is especially so by me. I claimed it right away for an office; my desk and bulletin board and even a bookcase fit in here perfectly, if a bit snugly. It’s not for the claustrophobic, but I love having this space all to myself. But the truth is all I really need is my laptop—in the past I’ve worked in many other writing spaces, including a spare bathroom, a corner of my kids’ playroom, and too many coffee shops to remember. (As for where we store all those coats and boots . . . well, let’s just say our place isn’t going to win a shelter-mag organizing award any time soon.)

I try to write regularly, first thing in the morning (once the kids are at school), and I shoot for six days a week. In all honesty, most days this means no more than an hour or two of solid writing time. That's supplemented with the rare visit to an artists’ colony or retreat where I can put in long hours and really push forward in a manuscript."

JENNA BLUM, author of THOSE WHO SAVE US and THE STORM CHASERS
Boston and Minnesota

"When I'm not actively writing a book, I spend several hours a day writing correspondence to readers, working on blogs, etc. I also tend to spend a couple of years before I start writing a book writing *about* the book, figuring out what it's going to be, so I fill notebooks (longhand) with ideas about the book's architecture, playing the 'Who ARE these people?' game about the characters, determining theme, etc. So even when I'm not writing, I'm writing.

When I am writing a book, I'm in the Writer's Protection Program, writing all day, every day. Evenings are for walking my black Lab and rehearsing the writing I'll do the next day. When I'm at my house in Boston, I write at the glass-topped dining room table. When I'm in my house in Minnesota--well, I haven't figured that out yet, since I haven't had the house that long! But I think I'll be writing again at the dining room table, which is wood."

KRISTINA McBRIDE, author of THE TENSION OF OPPOSITES
Dayton, OH

"I write whenever I can find snippets of time, which isn't often enough in my hectic household with two kids under five. I am lucky that both children nap well, so I can usually count on two hours per afternoon, and if I'm on a deadline, I'll set the alarm an hour or two before I get them up for the day. I work daily, sometimes drafting new chapters, sometimes revising what I spent the last few days writing, and sometimes journaling to work through something that's still too tangled in my mind to work into the story."

Huge thanks to these wonderful writers! I hope you'll check out some of their amazing work. Later this week, these same writers answer the question: Do you have any "tricks," "bribes," or methods you use to keep yourself on track with writing goals?

The Reverse of Resolutions

I’ve been a very bad blogger, but I resolve to do better. Speaking of resolutions...

Here we are, 19 days into January. How are your New Year’s Resolutions going? At this point, some people are already feeling defeated and discouraged because they’ve set themselves up with unrealistic goals. Now, don’t get me wrong! I’m a firm believer in resolutions and setting goals (see last January’s blog called “Manifestation Has Major Mojo”). I I look forward to listing new goals, breaking them into steps, charting my progress, marking off the accomplishments on the list (yes, I'm a geek).

BUT, I also recommend something else, something I call the Reverse of Resolutions. While it is important to challenge ourselves, it’s just as important to acknowledge the things we already accomplished.

I know, I know, we are taught not to “toot our own horn,” but really, it’s good to take a look at all you’ve done in the course of a year—good for the soul, good for the ego, just plain good any way you look at it.

Because my birthday is close to the beginning of January, my New Year's resolutions are closely tied to this birthday-take-stock-of-my-life exercise. Before I make an unreasonable list of punishing goals, I take an indulgent, congratulatory look at all the cool stuff I did between this year and last. It makes me feel proud, it makes me feel kinder towards myself, it’s a nice affirmation, and if we can’t brag a little to ourselves, who else is going to do it?

I start a clean page in a notebook and just start numbering a list. I take my time and try to list every single cool thing I can remember.

Obviously, your list should include the “biggies.” For me, 2010 included:
1. Published my fourth novel.
2. Sold my first young adult novel
3. Got my first live TV spot promoting Blessings

and

10. Attended class taught by the Dalai Lama
11. Taught my first college level writing course

But I also include accomplishments no one else might recognize or know about, such as:
17. Never got lost a single time while renting a car on book tour

or

26. Made real peace with and found forgiveness for X (no one has to see your list...but sometimes those very personal accomplishments change our lives the most.)

Once you get on a roll, allow yourself to list anything and everything that you recall about the year past, recognizing moments that gave you peace and beauty, moments that required you to be brave or generous, moments that forced you out of your comfort zone, or introduced you to new passions.

30. Spent a lovely morning alone on Venice Beach in Los Angeles
32. Nurtured new friendships with X, Y, and Z...
42. Stopped investing in relationship with X because it was toxic and not giving me anything.
50. Grew a perfect watermelon
52. Hosted Thanksgiving
60. Learned to ice skate
61. Learned to hang a door on hinges
70. Told the truth that time to X when it really scared me

In the past, my lists have included things like:
learned to make tiramisu,
finished a draft of a new novel,
discovered a great new friend in X,
finally bought myself a Forever Summer hydrangea because I’ve always thought they were beautiful and I deserve to have beauty around me,
went to NYC to see Jude Law play Hamlet because...I wanted to.

You get the idea.

You’ll get going. You’ll get on a roll. Nothing that comes to mind is too small to include.
We deserve to pat ourselves on the back and bask a little bit for the time it takes to make your list. Sometimes, on discouraging days, it helps to go back and read your list—especially on days you feel you aren’t living up to your resolutions. You’ll go over your list and think, “Look at me. Look at all I did. Okay, tomorrow is another day. I’m inspired to do better.”

Start making your list. Look at you! Look at how strong, kickass and interesting you are!

Don’t you feel better already?

Gatlinburg Girls Gone Wild

Okay...so it wasn't exactly "Girls Gone Wild." Not even remotely. But it did turn out to be a wonderful gift to ourselves.

Last weekend, six friends who'd known each other for 30+ years set out to enjoy a Girls Weekend together. One came from Los Angeles, one from Knoxville, and four from Dayton...and they all trekked to a beautiful cabin in the Great Smokey Mountains.

People always talk about doing such things. But too few people actually DO it. I know I would've just continued to talk about "how fun that would be," if not for our kickass, organized friend Kathy—who made it happen. About four days after we first discussed it, Kathy sent us links to various cabins and prices. I'm proud of us all for saying yes and following through.

It was easy. And it was so, so FUN. And it was an important reminder of how much good friends feed our spirits and how inspiring it is to keep those connections strong.

We laughed so much, even on the road trip. One of my favorite moments was when I banged on a rest stop stall door thinking one of my friends was still inside, saying, "Hurry up! We need more pictures!"...only to discover it was a total, terrified stranger. We apologized (and the woman had a great sense of humor, thank goodness), but outside we were laughing so hard another stranger said, "I don't know where you ladies are heading, but if you're having this much fun HERE, I don't think it matters!"

Amen to that.

We talked, we ate, we had a religious experience involving a divine concoction known as bleu cheese grits, we hiked the Rainbow Falls

Trail (even eating smoked salmon and Melba toast as a picnic—how civilized is that?), we ate, we talked, we consumed copious amounts of coffee, we laughed until our ribs ached.

Our "wild" weekend translated to: in our jammies by 10 PM each night, falling asleep on couches, running out of coffee but re-packing many un-opened bottles of wine to take home, the police actually making some arrests in our cabin compound...but not of any of us. My oh my, how times have changed...but for the better!

My wish for you is that if there are friends you've known for decades that you'd love to spend a weekend with—make it happen! Consider it your holiday gift to yourself. People and memories are worth so much more than anything that needs a gift bag, anyway!

Give the Gift of Books!

Doing Your Holiday Shopping?

One of my favorite sayings is: "A book is a present you can open again and again." It's so, so true. If you're looking for book ideas to give as gifts, please check out my October blog, "National Reading Group Month" for a list of books I loved this summer and highly recommend.

The only thing better than receiving a book as a gift is receiving a book that is personalized to you and signed by the author.

So…if you're considering buying one of my books as a gift, not only would I be eternally grateful, but I'd happily personalize it for you, AND I'll pay the shipping to return the personalized book to you (anywhere in the United States).

Here's all you have to do:

1.) Buy whatever copies of my novels you desire. (Available online or in stores—please patronize your local independent booksellers!)

2.) E-mail me at katrinakittle (at) gmail.com and I'll give you an address and shipping suggestions.

3.) Send the book to me anytime between now and December 17, with instructions on how to sign and personalize your gift books. (Are you buying it for an animal lover, for instance? Or a writer? I'm happy to make the inscription very specific to your friends or family members).

4.) Relax, sip a latte...and wait for my return package in a day or two. :-)

The first 5 people to respond will also receive a snappy Harper Perennial tote bag with a quote from The Blessings of the Animals on it!

If you're in the Dayton area and don't wish to bother with shipping, please drop by New & Old Pages Bookshoppe on Saturday, December 4th. Fellow author Kristina McBride and I will be there from 1-3 PM signing books, reading, and longing for your company!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

The Culinary Cat

I have a very odd cat. I know that. Joey has anxiety issues and takes daily doses of valium. He has a jelly belly that swings from side-to-side when he runs.

And he loves a spatula.

That’s right. My cat’s new favorite toy is a spatula.

I discovered this one morning when I rolled over and discovered a spatula in bed next to me. Just a simple, flat spatula. How did it get in my bed from the canister it usually lives in beside my stove? Unless I had taken up sleepwalking (and it is true that I love to cook) the only culprit could be my cat.

I washed the spatula, replaced it in its canister...then forgot all about it. Until it happened again two days later.

I’m a light sleeper. I’ve always been an insomniac. It amazed me that I didn’t HEAR this happen. I was especially astounded when one morning I rolled over on the whisk instead of the spatula. What the heck? He really took the whisk from the canister, got it from the counter top to the kitchen floor, then all the way into the bedroom without me hearing a sound?

He only chose the whisk once, though. And one time only he brought the carrot grater (which he must have taken from the dish drainer). Every other time—about nine times that I've counted—it’s been the spatula.

I’ve never yet seen him do it, but I’ll come home and find the spatula on the couch...or in the bathtub...or under the table.

I finally decided—why not let him have it? I drew a little cat face on the spatula with Sharpie. This would be his, and I’d use another one for actual cooking. He carries the spatula from room to room. He doesn’t actually play with it, but he seems to like it near him—he naps with it, sometimes even holding it like a doll while he sleeps.

I figure, who am I to judge? I’m all about tolerance.

But I documented all of this on Facebook. One morning my FB status was “Katrina Kittle finally gave up and is letting the cat keep the spatula as a toy,” and later that day I attended the fun and rowdy No Name Book Club. As a thank you gift, they gave me a lovely bottle of wine...and a new spatula.

That, my friends, is social media at its finest!